<h2>THE OWL-CRITIC</h2>
<h3>BY JAMES T. FIELDS</h3>
<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">"Who stuffed that white owl?" No one spoke in the shop,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">The barber was busy, and he couldn't stop;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">The customers, waiting their turns, were all reading<br/></span>
<span class="i0">The "Daily," the "Herald," the "Post," little heeding<br/></span>
<span class="i0">The young man who blurted out such a blunt question;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Not one raised a head, or even made a suggestion;<br/></span>
<span class="i10">And the barber kept on shaving.<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">"Don't you see, Mr. Brown,"<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Cried the youth, with a frown,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">"How wrong the whole thing is,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">How preposterous each wing is<br/></span>
<span class="i0">How flattened the head is, how jammed down the neck is—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">In short, the whole owl, what an ignorant wreck 'tis!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I make no apology;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I've learned owl-eology.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I've passed days and nights in a hundred collections,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">And can not be blinded to any deflections<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Arising from unskilful fingers that fail<br/></span>
<span class="i0">To stuff a bird right, from his beak to his tail.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Mister Brown! Mister Brown!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Do take that bird down,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Or you'll soon be the laughing-stock all over town!"<br/></span>
<span class="i10">And the barber kept on shaving.</span><span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_1197" id="Page_1197"></SPAN></span><br/></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">"I've <i>studied</i> owls,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">And other night-fowls,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">And I tell you<br/></span>
<span class="i0">What I know to be true;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">An owl can not roost<br/></span>
<span class="i0">With his limbs so unloosed;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">No owl in this world<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Ever had his claws curled,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Ever had his legs slanted,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Ever had his bill canted,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Ever had his neck screwed<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Into that attitude.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">He can't <i>do</i> it, because<br/></span>
<span class="i0">'Tis against all bird-laws.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Anatomy teaches,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Ornithology preaches,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">An owl has a toe<br/></span>
<span class="i0">That <i>can't</i> turn out so!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I've made the white owl my study for years,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">And to see such a job almost moves me to tears!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Mr. Brown, I'm amazed<br/></span>
<span class="i0">You should be so gone crazed<br/></span>
<span class="i0">As to put up a bird<br/></span>
<span class="i0">In that posture absurd!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">To <i>look</i> at that owl really brings on a dizziness;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">The man who stuffed <i>him</i> don't half know his business!"<br/></span>
<span class="i10">And the barber kept on shaving.<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">"Examine those eyes.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I'm filled with surprise<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Taxidermists should pass<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Off on you such poor glass;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">So unnatural they seem<br/></span>
<span class="i0">They'd make Audubon scream,</span><span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_1198" id="Page_1198"></SPAN></span><br/>
<span class="i0">And John Burroughs laugh<br/></span>
<span class="i0">To encounter such chaff.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Do take that bird down;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Have him stuffed again, Brown!"<br/></span>
<span class="i10">And the barber kept on shaving.<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">"With some sawdust and bark<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I could stuff in the dark<br/></span>
<span class="i0">An owl better than that.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I could make an old hat<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Look more like an owl<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Than that horrid fowl,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Stuck up there so stiff like a side of coarse leather.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">In fact, about <i>him</i> there's not one natural feather."<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">Just then, with a wink and a sly normal lurch,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">The owl, very gravely, got down from his perch,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Walked round, and regarded his fault-finding critic<br/></span>
<span class="i0">(Who thought he was stuffed) with a glance analytic,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">And then fairly hooted, as if he should say:<br/></span>
<span class="i0">"Your learning's at fault <i>this</i> time, anyway;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Don't waste it again on a live bird, I pray.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I'm an owl; you're another. Sir Critic, good day!"<br/></span>
<span class="i10">And the barber kept on shaving.<br/></span>
<span class='pagenum'><SPAN name="Page_1199" id="Page_1199"></SPAN></span></div>
</div>
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