<p class="gutsumm">Several adventurers that happened to the
author. The execution of a criminal. The author shows
his skill in navigation.</p>
<p>I should have lived happy enough in that country, if my
littleness had not exposed me to several ridiculous and
troublesome accidents; some of which I shall venture to
relate. Glumdalclitch often carried me into the gardens of
the court in my smaller box, and would sometimes take me out of
it, and hold me in her hand, or set me down to walk. I
remember, before the dwarf left the queen, he followed us one day
into those gardens, and my nurse having set me down, he and I
being close together, near some dwarf apple trees, I must needs
show my wit, by a silly allusion between him and the trees, which
happens to hold in their language as it does in ours.
Whereupon, the malicious rogue, watching his opportunity, when I
was walking under one of them, shook it directly over my head, by
which a dozen apples, each of them near as large as a Bristol
barrel, came tumbling about my ears; one of them hit me on the
back as I chanced to stoop, and knocked me down flat on my face;
but I received no other hurt, and the dwarf was pardoned at my
desire, because I had given the provocation.</p>
<p>Another day, Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth grass-plot to
divert myself, while she walked at some distance with her
governess. In the meantime, there suddenly fell such a
violent shower of hail, that I was immediately by the force of
it, struck to the ground: and when I was down, the hailstones
gave me such cruel bangs all over the body, as if I had been
pelted with tennis-balls; however, I made a shift to creep on all
fours, and shelter myself, by lying flat on my face, on the
lee-side of a border of lemon-thyme, but so bruised from head to
foot, that I could not go abroad in ten days. Neither is
this at all to be wondered at, because nature, in that country,
observing the same proportion through all her operations, a
hailstone is near eighteen hundred times as large as one in
Europe; which I can assert upon experience, having been so
curious as to weigh and measure them.</p>
<p>But a more dangerous accident happened to me in the same
garden, when my little nurse, believing she had put me in a
secure place (which I often entreated her to do, that I might
enjoy my own thoughts,) and having left my box at home, to avoid
the trouble of carrying it, went to another part of the garden
with her governess and some ladies of her acquaintance.
While she was absent, and out of hearing, a small white spaniel
that belonged to one of the chief gardeners, having got by
accident into the garden, happened to range near the place where
I lay: the dog, following the scent, came directly up, and taking
me in his mouth, ran straight to his master wagging his tail, and
set me gently on the ground. By good fortune he had been so
well taught, that I was carried between his teeth without the
least hurt, or even tearing my clothes. But the poor
gardener, who knew me well, and had a great kindness for me, was
in a terrible fright: he gently took me up in both his hands, and
asked me how I did? but I was so amazed and out of breath, that I
could not speak a word. In a few minutes I came to myself,
and he carried me safe to my little nurse, who, by this time, had
returned to the place where she left me, and was in cruel agonies
when I did not appear, nor answer when she called. She
severely reprimanded the gardener on account of his dog.
But the thing was hushed up, and never known at court, for the
girl was afraid of the queen’s anger; and truly, as to
myself, I thought it would not be for my reputation, that such a
story should go about.</p>
<p>This accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch never to
trust me abroad for the future out of her sight. I had been
long afraid of this resolution, and therefore concealed from her
some little unlucky adventures, that happened in those times when
I was left by myself. Once a kite, hovering over the
garden, made a stoop at me, and if I had not resolutely drawn my
hanger, and run under a thick espalier, he would have certainly
carried me away in his talons. Another time, walking to the
top of a fresh mole-hill, I fell to my neck in the hole, through
which that animal had cast up the earth, and coined some lie, not
worth remembering, to excuse myself for spoiling my
clothes. I likewise broke my right shin against the shell
of a snail, which I happened to stumble over, as I was walking
alone and thinking on poor England.</p>
<p>I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or mortified to
observe, in those solitary walks, that the smaller birds did not
appear to be at all afraid of me, but would hop about within a
yard’s distance, looking for worms and other food, with as
much indifference and security as if no creature at all were near
them. I remember, a thrush had the confidence to snatch out
of my hand, with his bill, a of cake that Glumdalclitch had just
given me for my breakfast. When I attempted to catch any of
these birds, they would boldly turn against me, endeavouring to
peck my fingers, which I durst not venture within their reach;
and then they would hop back unconcerned, to hunt for worms or
snails, as they did before. But one day, I took a thick
cudgel, and threw it with all my strength so luckily, at a
linnet, that I knocked him down, and seizing him by the neck with
both my hands, ran with him in triumph to my nurse.
However, the bird, who had only been stunned, recovering himself
gave me so many boxes with his wings, on both sides of my head
and body, though I held him at arm’s-length, and was out of
the reach of his claws, that I was twenty times thinking to let
him go. But I was soon relieved by one of our servants, who
wrung off the bird’s neck, and I had him next day for
dinner, by the queen’s command. This linnet, as near
as I can remember, seemed to be somewhat larger than an English
swan.</p>
<p>The maids of honour often invited Glumdalclitch to their
apartments, and desired she would bring me along with her, on
purpose to have the pleasure of seeing and touching me.
They would often strip me naked from top to toe, and lay me at
full length in their bosoms; wherewith I was much disgusted
because, to say the truth, a very offensive smell came from their
skins; which I do not mention, or intend, to the disadvantage of
those excellent ladies, for whom I have all manner of respect;
but I conceive that my sense was more acute in proportion to my
littleness, and that those illustrious persons were no more
disagreeable to their lovers, or to each other, than people of
the same quality are with us in England. And, after all, I
found their natural smell was much more supportable, than when
they used perfumes, under which I immediately swooned away.
I cannot forget, that an intimate friend of mine in Lilliput,
took the freedom in a warm day, when I had used a good deal of
exercise, to complain of a strong smell about me, although I am
as little faulty that way, as most of my sex: but I suppose his
faculty of smelling was as nice with regard to me, as mine was to
that of this people. Upon this point, I cannot forbear
doing justice to the queen my mistress, and Glumdalclitch my
nurse, whose persons were as sweet as those of any lady in
England.</p>
<p>That which gave me most uneasiness among these maids of honour
(when my nurse carried me to visit then) was, to see them use me
without any manner of ceremony, like a creature who had no sort
of consequence: for they would strip themselves to the skin, and
put on their smocks in my presence, while I was placed on their
toilet, directly before their naked bodies, which I am sure to me
was very far from being a tempting sight, or from giving me any
other emotions than those of horror and disgust: their skins
appeared so coarse and uneven, so variously coloured, when I saw
them near, with a mole here and there as broad as a trencher, and
hairs hanging from it thicker than packthreads, to say nothing
farther concerning the rest of their persons. Neither did
they at all scruple, while I was by, to discharge what they had
drank, to the quantity of at least two hogsheads, in a vessel
that held above three tuns. The handsomest among these
maids of honour, a pleasant, frolicsome girl of sixteen, would
sometimes set me astride upon one of her nipples, with many other
tricks, wherein the reader will excuse me for not being over
particular. But I was so much displeased, that I entreated
Glumdalclitch to contrive some excuse for not seeing that young
lady any more.</p>
<p>One day, a young gentleman, who was nephew to my nurse’s
governess, came and pressed them both to see an execution.
It was of a man, who had murdered one of that gentleman’s
intimate acquaintance. Glumdalclitch was prevailed on to be
of the company, very much against her inclination, for she was
naturally tender-hearted: and, as for myself, although I abhorred
such kind of spectacles, yet my curiosity tempted me to see
something that I thought must be extraordinary. The
malefactor was fixed in a chair upon a scaffold erected for that
purpose, and his head cut off at one blow, with a sword of about
forty feet long. The veins and arteries spouted up such a
prodigious quantity of blood, and so high in the air, that the
great <i>jet d’eau</i> at Versailles was not equal to it
for the time it lasted: and the head, when it fell on the
scaffold floor, gave such a bounce as made me start, although I
was at least half an English mile distant.</p>
<p>The queen, who often used to hear me talk of my sea-voyages,
and took all occasions to divert me when I was melancholy, asked
me whether I understood how to handle a sail or an oar, and
whether a little exercise of rowing might not be convenient for
my health? I answered, that I understood both very well:
for although my proper employment had been to be surgeon or
doctor to the ship, yet often, upon a pinch, I was forced to work
like a common mariner. But I could not see how this could
be done in their country, where the smallest wherry was equal to
a first-rate man of war among us; and such a boat as I could
manage would never live in any of their rivers. Her majesty
said, if I would contrive a boat, her own joiner should make it,
and she would provide a place for me to sail in. The fellow
was an ingenious workman, and by my instructions, in ten days,
finished a pleasure-boat with all its tackling, able conveniently
to hold eight Europeans. When it was finished, the queen
was so delighted, that she ran with it in her lap to the king,
who ordered it to be put into a cistern full of water, with me in
it, by way of trial, where I could not manage my two sculls, or
little oars, for want of room. But the queen had before
contrived another project. She ordered the joiner to make a
wooden trough of three hundred feet long, fifty broad, and eight
deep; which, being well pitched, to prevent leaking, was placed
on the floor, along the wall, in an outer room of the
palace. It had a cock near the bottom to let out the water,
when it began to grow stale; and two servants could easily fill
it in half an hour. Here I often used to row for my own
diversion, as well as that of the queen and her ladies, who
thought themselves well entertained with my skill and
agility. Sometimes I would put up my sail, and then my
business was only to steer, while the ladies gave me a gale with
their fans; and, when they were weary, some of their pages would
blow my sail forward with their breath, while I showed my art by
steering starboard or larboard as I pleased. When I had
done, Glumdalclitch always carried back my boat into her closet,
and hung it on a nail to dry.</p>
<p>In this exercise I once met an accident, which had like to
have cost me my life; for, one of the pages having put my boat
into the trough, the governess who attended Glumdalclitch very
officiously lifted me up, to place me in the boat: but I happened
to slip through her fingers, and should infallibly have fallen
down forty feet upon the floor, if, by the luckiest chance in the
world, I had not been stopped by a corking-pin that stuck in the
good gentlewoman’s stomacher; the head of the pin passing
between my shirt and the waistband of my breeches, and thus I was
held by the middle in the air, till Glumdalclitch ran to my
relief.</p>
<p>Another time, one of the servants, whose office it was to fill
my trough every third day with fresh water, was so careless as to
let a huge frog (not perceiving it) slip out of his pail.
The frog lay concealed till I was put into my boat, but then,
seeing a resting-place, climbed up, and made it lean so much on
one side, that I was forced to balance it with all my weight on
the other, to prevent overturning. When the frog was got
in, it hopped at once half the length of the boat, and then over
my head, backward and forward, daubing my face and clothes with
its odious slime. The largeness of its features made it
appear the most deformed animal that can be conceived.
However, I desired Glumdalclitch to let me deal with it
alone. I banged it a good while with one of my sculls, and
at last forced it to leap out of the boat.</p>
<p>But the greatest danger I ever underwent in that kingdom, was
from a monkey, who belonged to one of the clerks of the
kitchen. Glumdalclitch had locked me up in her closet,
while she went somewhere upon business, or a visit. The
weather being very warm, the closet-window was left open, as well
as the windows and the door of my bigger box, in which I usually
lived, because of its largeness and conveniency. As I sat
quietly meditating at my table, I heard something bounce in at
the closet-window, and skip about from one side to the other:
whereat, although I was much alarmed, yet I ventured to look out,
but not stirring from my seat; and then I saw this frolicsome
animal frisking and leaping up and down, till at last he came to
my box, which he seemed to view with great pleasure and
curiosity, peeping in at the door and every window. I
retreated to the farther corner of my room; or box; but the
monkey looking in at every side, put me in such a fright, that I
wanted presence of mind to conceal myself under the bed, as I
might easily have done. After some time spent in peeping,
grinning, and chattering, he at last espied me; and reaching one
of his paws in at the door, as a cat does when she plays with a
mouse, although I often shifted place to avoid him, he at length
seized the lappet of my coat (which being made of that country
silk, was very thick and strong), and dragged me out. He
took me up in his right fore-foot and held me as a nurse does a
child she is going to suckle, just as I have seen the same sort
of creature do with a kitten in Europe; and when I offered to
struggle he squeezed me so hard, that I thought it more prudent
to submit. I have good reason to believe, that he took me
for a young one of his own species, by his often stroking my face
very gently with his other paw. In these diversions he was
interrupted by a noise at the closet door, as if somebody were
opening it: whereupon he suddenly leaped up to the window at
which he had come in, and thence upon the leads and gutters,
walking upon three legs, and holding me in the fourth, till he
clambered up to a roof that was next to ours. I heard
Glumdalclitch give a shriek at the moment he was carrying me
out. The poor girl was almost distracted: that quarter of
the palace was all in an uproar; the servants ran for ladders;
the monkey was seen by hundreds in the court, sitting upon the
ridge of a building, holding me like a baby in one of his
forepaws, and feeding me with the other, by cramming into my
mouth some victuals he had squeezed out of the bag on one side of
his chaps, and patting me when I would not eat; whereat many of
the rabble below could not forbear laughing; neither do I think
they justly ought to be blamed, for, without question, the sight
was ridiculous enough to every body but myself. Some of the
people threw up stones, hoping to drive the monkey down; but this
was strictly forbidden, or else, very probably, my brains had
been dashed out.</p>
<p>The ladders were now applied, and mounted by several men;
which the monkey observing, and finding himself almost
encompassed, not being able to make speed enough with his three
legs, let me drop on a ridge tile, and made his escape.
Here I sat for some time, five hundred yards from the ground,
expecting every moment to be blown down by the wind, or to fall
by my own giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from the
ridge to the eaves; but an honest lad, one of my nurse’s
footmen, climbed up, and putting me into his breeches pocket,
brought me down safe.</p>
<p>I was almost choked with the filthy stuff the monkey had
crammed down my throat: but my dear little nurse picked it out of
my mouth with a small needle, and then I fell a-vomiting, which
gave me great relief. Yet I was so weak and bruised in the
sides with the squeezes given me by this odious animal, that I
was forced to keep my bed a fortnight. The king, queen, and
all the court, sent every day to inquire after my health; and her
majesty made me several visits during my sickness. The
monkey was killed, and an order made, that no such animal should
be kept about the palace.</p>
<p>When I attended the king after my recovery, to return him
thanks for his favours, he was pleased to rally me a good deal
upon this adventure. He asked me, “what my thoughts
and speculations were, while I lay in the monkey’s paw; how
I liked the victuals he gave me; his manner of feeding; and
whether the fresh air on the roof had sharpened my
stomach.” He desired to know, “what I would
have done upon such an occasion in my own country.” I
told his majesty, “that in Europe we had no monkeys, except
such as were brought for curiosity from other places, and so
small, that I could deal with a dozen of them together, if they
presumed to attack me. And as for that monstrous animal
with whom I was so lately engaged (it was indeed as large as an
elephant), if my fears had suffered me to think so far as to make
use of my hanger,” (looking fiercely, and clapping my hand
on the hilt, as I spoke) “when he poked his paw into my
chamber, perhaps I should have given him such a wound, as would
have made him glad to withdraw it with more haste than he put it
in.” This I delivered in a firm tone, like a person
who was jealous lest his courage should be called in
question. However, my speech produced nothing else beside a
laud laughter, which all the respect due to his majesty from
those about him could not make them contain. This made me
reflect, how vain an attempt it is for a man to endeavour to do
himself honour among those who are out of all degree of equality
or comparison with him. And yet I have seen the moral of my
own behaviour very frequent in England since my return; where a
little contemptible varlet, without the least title to birth,
person, wit, or common sense, shall presume to look with
importance, and put himself upon a foot with the greatest persons
of the kingdom.</p>
<p>I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous
story: and Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to excess, yet
was arch enough to inform the queen, whenever I committed any
folly that she thought would be diverting to her majesty.
The girl, who had been out of order, was carried by her governess
to take the air about an hour’s distance, or thirty miles
from town. They alighted out of the coach near a small
foot-path in a field, and Glumdalclitch setting down my
travelling box, I went out of it to walk. There was a
cow-dung in the path, and I must need try my activity by
attempting to leap over it. I took a run, but unfortunately
jumped short, and found myself just in the middle up to my
knees. I waded through with some difficulty, and one of the
footmen wiped me as clean as he could with his handkerchief, for
I was filthily bemired; and my nurse confined me to my box, till
we returned home; where the queen was soon informed of what had
passed, and the footmen spread it about the court: so that all
the mirth for some days was at my expense.</p>
<h3>II - CHAPTER VI.</h3>
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