<p><SPAN name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"></SPAN></p>
<h2> VIII. TOAD'S ADVENTURES </h2>
<p>When Toad found himself immured in a dank and noisome dungeon, and knew
that all the grim darkness of a medieval fortress lay between him and the
outer world of sunshine and well-metalled high roads where he had lately
been so happy, disporting himself as if he had bought up every road in
England, he flung himself at full length on the floor, and shed bitter
tears, and abandoned himself to dark despair. 'This is the end of
everything' (he said), 'at least it is the end of the career of Toad,
which is the same thing; the popular and handsome Toad, the rich and
hospitable Toad, the Toad so free and careless and debonair! How can I
hope to be ever set at large again' (he said), 'who have been imprisoned
so justly for stealing so handsome a motor-car in such an audacious
manner, and for such lurid and imaginative cheek, bestowed upon such a
number of fat, red-faced policemen!' (Here his sobs choked him.) 'Stupid
animal that I was' (he said), 'now I must languish in this dungeon, till
people who were proud to say they knew me, have forgotten the very name of
Toad! O wise old Badger!' (he said), 'O clever, intelligent Rat and
sensible Mole! What sound judgments, what a knowledge of men and matters
you possess! O unhappy and forsaken Toad!' With lamentations such as these
he passed his days and nights for several weeks, refusing his meals or
intermediate light refreshments, though the grim and ancient gaoler,
knowing that Toad's pockets were well lined, frequently pointed out that
many comforts, and indeed luxuries, could by arrangement be sent in—at
a price—from outside.</p>
<p>Now the gaoler had a daughter, a pleasant wench and good-hearted, who
assisted her father in the lighter duties of his post. She was
particularly fond of animals, and, besides her canary, whose cage hung on
a nail in the massive wall of the keep by day, to the great annoyance of
prisoners who relished an after-dinner nap, and was shrouded in an
antimacassar on the parlour table at night, she kept several piebald mice
and a restless revolving squirrel. This kind-hearted girl, pitying the
misery of Toad, said to her father one day, 'Father! I can't bear to see
that poor beast so unhappy, and getting so thin! You let me have the
managing of him. You know how fond of animals I am. I'll make him eat from
my hand, and sit up, and do all sorts of things.'</p>
<p>Her father replied that she could do what she liked with him. He was tired
of Toad, and his sulks and his airs and his meanness. So that day she went
on her errand of mercy, and knocked at the door of Toad's cell.</p>
<p>'Now, cheer up, Toad,' she said, coaxingly, on entering, 'and sit up and
dry your eyes and be a sensible animal. And do try and eat a bit of
dinner. See, I've brought you some of mine, hot from the oven!'</p>
<p>It was bubble-and-squeak, between two plates, and its fragrance filled the
narrow cell. The penetrating smell of cabbage reached the nose of Toad as
he lay prostrate in his misery on the floor, and gave him the idea for a
moment that perhaps life was not such a blank and desperate thing as he
had imagined. But still he wailed, and kicked with his legs, and refused
to be comforted. So the wise girl retired for the time, but, of course, a
good deal of the smell of hot cabbage remained behind, as it will do, and
Toad, between his sobs, sniffed and reflected, and gradually began to
think new and inspiring thoughts: of chivalry, and poetry, and deeds still
to be done; of broad meadows, and cattle browsing in them, raked by sun
and wind; of kitchen-gardens, and straight herb-borders, and warm
snap-dragon beset by bees; and of the comforting clink of dishes set down
on the table at Toad Hall, and the scrape of chair-legs on the floor as
every one pulled himself close up to his work. The air of the narrow cell
took a rosy tinge; he began to think of his friends, and how they would
surely be able to do something; of lawyers, and how they would have
enjoyed his case, and what an ass he had been not to get in a few; and
lastly, he thought of his own great cleverness and resource, and all that
he was capable of if he only gave his great mind to it; and the cure was
almost complete.</p>
<p>When the girl returned, some hours later, she carried a tray, with a cup
of fragrant tea steaming on it; and a plate piled up with very hot
buttered toast, cut thick, very brown on both sides, with the butter
running through the holes in it in great golden drops, like honey from the
honeycomb. The smell of that buttered toast simply talked to Toad, and
with no uncertain voice; talked of warm kitchens, of breakfasts on bright
frosty mornings, of cosy parlour firesides on winter evenings, when one's
ramble was over and slippered feet were propped on the fender; of the
purring of contented cats, and the twitter of sleepy canaries. Toad sat up
on end once more, dried his eyes, sipped his tea and munched his toast,
and soon began talking freely about himself, and the house he lived in,
and his doings there, and how important he was, and what a lot his friends
thought of him.</p>
<p>The gaoler's daughter saw that the topic was doing him as much good as the
tea, as indeed it was, and encouraged him to go on.</p>
<p>'Tell me about Toad Hall,' said she. 'It sounds beautiful.'</p>
<p>'Toad Hall,' said the Toad proudly, 'is an eligible self-contained
gentleman's residence very unique; dating in part from the fourteenth
century, but replete with every modern convenience. Up-to-date sanitation.
Five minutes from church, post-office, and golf-links, Suitable for——'</p>
<p>'Bless the animal,' said the girl, laughing, 'I don't want to TAKE it.
Tell me something REAL about it. But first wait till I fetch you some more
tea and toast.'</p>
<p>She tripped away, and presently returned with a fresh trayful; and Toad,
pitching into the toast with avidity, his spirits quite restored to their
usual level, told her about the boathouse, and the fish-pond, and the old
walled kitchen-garden; and about the pig-styes, and the stables, and the
pigeon-house, and the hen-house; and about the dairy, and the wash-house,
and the china-cupboards, and the linen-presses (she liked that bit
especially); and about the banqueting-hall, and the fun they had there
when the other animals were gathered round the table and Toad was at his
best, singing songs, telling stories, carrying on generally. Then she
wanted to know about his animal-friends, and was very interested in all he
had to tell her about them and how they lived, and what they did to pass
their time. Of course, she did not say she was fond of animals as PETS,
because she had the sense to see that Toad would be extremely offended.
When she said good night, having filled his water-jug and shaken up his
straw for him, Toad was very much the same sanguine, self-satisfied animal
that he had been of old. He sang a little song or two, of the sort he used
to sing at his dinner-parties, curled himself up in the straw, and had an
excellent night's rest and the pleasantest of dreams.</p>
<p>They had many interesting talks together, after that, as the dreary days
went on; and the gaoler's daughter grew very sorry for Toad, and thought
it a great shame that a poor little animal should be locked up in prison
for what seemed to her a very trivial offence. Toad, of course, in his
vanity, thought that her interest in him proceeded from a growing
tenderness; and he could not help half-regretting that the social gulf
between them was so very wide, for she was a comely lass, and evidently
admired him very much.</p>
<p>One morning the girl was very thoughtful, and answered at random, and did
not seem to Toad to be paying proper attention to his witty sayings and
sparkling comments.</p>
<p>'Toad,' she said presently, 'just listen, please. I have an aunt who is a
washerwoman.'</p>
<p>'There, there,' said Toad, graciously and affably, 'never mind; think no
more about it. <i>I</i> have several aunts who OUGHT to be washerwomen.'</p>
<p>'Do be quiet a minute, Toad,' said the girl. 'You talk too much, that's
your chief fault, and I'm trying to think, and you hurt my head. As I
said, I have an aunt who is a washerwoman; she does the washing for all
the prisoners in this castle—we try to keep any paying business of
that sort in the family, you understand. She takes out the washing on
Monday morning, and brings it in on Friday evening. This is a Thursday.
Now, this is what occurs to me: you're very rich—at least you're
always telling me so—and she's very poor. A few pounds wouldn't make
any difference to you, and it would mean a lot to her. Now, I think if she
were properly approached—squared, I believe is the word you animals
use—you could come to some arrangement by which she would let you
have her dress and bonnet and so on, and you could escape from the castle
as the official washerwoman. You're very alike in many respects—particularly
about the figure.'</p>
<p>'We're NOT,' said the Toad in a huff. 'I have a very elegant figure—for
what I am.'</p>
<p>'So has my aunt,' replied the girl, 'for what SHE is. But have it your own
way. You horrid, proud, ungrateful animal, when I'm sorry for you, and
trying to help you!'</p>
<p>'Yes, yes, that's all right; thank you very much indeed,' said the Toad
hurriedly. 'But look here! you wouldn't surely have Mr. Toad of Toad Hall,
going about the country disguised as a washerwoman!'</p>
<p>'Then you can stop here as a Toad,' replied the girl with much spirit. 'I
suppose you want to go off in a coach-and-four!'</p>
<p>Honest Toad was always ready to admit himself in the wrong. 'You are a
good, kind, clever girl,' he said, 'and I am indeed a proud and a stupid
toad. Introduce me to your worthy aunt, if you will be so kind, and I have
no doubt that the excellent lady and I will be able to arrange terms
satisfactory to both parties.'</p>
<p>Next evening the girl ushered her aunt into Toad's cell, bearing his
week's washing pinned up in a towel. The old lady had been prepared
beforehand for the interview, and the sight of certain gold sovereigns
that Toad had thoughtfully placed on the table in full view practically
completed the matter and left little further to discuss. In return for his
cash, Toad received a cotton print gown, an apron, a shawl, and a rusty
black bonnet; the only stipulation the old lady made being that she should
be gagged and bound and dumped down in a corner. By this not very
convincing artifice, she explained, aided by picturesque fiction which she
could supply herself, she hoped to retain her situation, in spite of the
suspicious appearance of things.</p>
<p>Toad was delighted with the suggestion. It would enable him to leave the
prison in some style, and with his reputation for being a desperate and
dangerous fellow untarnished; and he readily helped the gaoler's daughter
to make her aunt appear as much as possible the victim of circumstances
over which she had no control.</p>
<p>'Now it's your turn, Toad,' said the girl. 'Take off that coat and
waistcoat of yours; you're fat enough as it is.'</p>
<p>Shaking with laughter, she proceeded to 'hook-and-eye' him into the cotton
print gown, arranged the shawl with a professional fold, and tied the
strings of the rusty bonnet under his chin.</p>
<p>'You're the very image of her,' she giggled, 'only I'm sure you never
looked half so respectable in all your life before. Now, good-bye, Toad,
and good luck. Go straight down the way you came up; and if any one says
anything to you, as they probably will, being but men, you can chaff back
a bit, of course, but remember you're a widow woman, quite alone in the
world, with a character to lose.'</p>
<p>With a quaking heart, but as firm a footstep as he could command, Toad set
forth cautiously on what seemed to be a most hare-brained and hazardous
undertaking; but he was soon agreeably surprised to find how easy
everything was made for him, and a little humbled at the thought that both
his popularity, and the sex that seemed to inspire it, were really
another's. The washerwoman's squat figure in its familiar cotton print
seemed a passport for every barred door and grim gateway; even when he
hesitated, uncertain as to the right turning to take, he found himself
helped out of his difficulty by the warder at the next gate, anxious to be
off to his tea, summoning him to come along sharp and not keep him waiting
there all night. The chaff and the humourous sallies to which he was
subjected, and to which, of course, he had to provide prompt and effective
reply, formed, indeed, his chief danger; for Toad was an animal with a
strong sense of his own dignity, and the chaff was mostly (he thought)
poor and clumsy, and the humour of the sallies entirely lacking. However,
he kept his temper, though with great difficulty, suited his retorts to
his company and his supposed character, and did his best not to overstep
the limits of good taste.</p>
<p>It seemed hours before he crossed the last courtyard, rejected the
pressing invitations from the last guardroom, and dodged the outspread
arms of the last warder, pleading with simulated passion for just one
farewell embrace. But at last he heard the wicket-gate in the great outer
door click behind him, felt the fresh air of the outer world upon his
anxious brow, and knew that he was free!</p>
<p>Dizzy with the easy success of his daring exploit, he walked quickly
towards the lights of the town, not knowing in the least what he should do
next, only quite certain of one thing, that he must remove himself as
quickly as possible from the neighbourhood where the lady he was forced to
represent was so well-known and so popular a character.</p>
<p>As he walked along, considering, his attention was caught by some red and
green lights a little way off, to one side of the town, and the sound of
the puffing and snorting of engines and the banging of shunted trucks fell
on his ear. 'Aha!' he thought, 'this is a piece of luck! A railway station
is the thing I want most in the whole world at this moment; and what's
more, I needn't go through the town to get it, and shan't have to support
this humiliating character by repartees which, though thoroughly
effective, do not assist one's sense of self-respect.'</p>
<p>He made his way to the station accordingly, consulted a time-table, and
found that a train, bound more or less in the direction of his home, was
due to start in half-an-hour. 'More luck!' said Toad, his spirits rising
rapidly, and went off to the booking-office to buy his ticket.</p>
<p>He gave the name of the station that he knew to be nearest to the village
of which Toad Hall was the principal feature, and mechanically put his
fingers, in search of the necessary money, where his waistcoat pocket
should have been. But here the cotton gown, which had nobly stood by him
so far, and which he had basely forgotten, intervened, and frustrated his
efforts. In a sort of nightmare he struggled with the strange uncanny
thing that seemed to hold his hands, turn all muscular strivings to water,
and laugh at him all the time; while other travellers, forming up in a
line behind, waited with impatience, making suggestions of more or less
value and comments of more or less stringency and point. At last—somehow—he
never rightly understood how—he burst the barriers, attained the
goal, arrived at where all waistcoat pockets are eternally situated, and
found—not only no money, but no pocket to hold it, and no waistcoat
to hold the pocket!</p>
<p>To his horror he recollected that he had left both coat and waistcoat
behind him in his cell, and with them his pocket-book, money, keys, watch,
matches, pencil-case—all that makes life worth living, all that
distinguishes the many-pocketed animal, the lord of creation, from the
inferior one-pocketed or no-pocketed productions that hop or trip about
permissively, unequipped for the real contest.</p>
<p>In his misery he made one desperate effort to carry the thing off, and,
with a return to his fine old manner—a blend of the Squire and the
College Don—he said, 'Look here! I find I've left my purse behind.
Just give me that ticket, will you, and I'll send the money on to-morrow?
I'm well-known in these parts.'</p>
<p>The clerk stared at him and the rusty black bonnet a moment, and then
laughed. 'I should think you were pretty well known in these parts,' he
said, 'if you've tried this game on often. Here, stand away from the
window, please, madam; you're obstructing the other passengers!'</p>
<p>An old gentleman who had been prodding him in the back for some moments
here thrust him away, and, what was worse, addressed him as his good
woman, which angered Toad more than anything that had occurred that
evening.</p>
<p>Baffled and full of despair, he wandered blindly down the platform where
the train was standing, and tears trickled down each side of his nose. It
was hard, he thought, to be within sight of safety and almost of home, and
to be baulked by the want of a few wretched shillings and by the
pettifogging mistrustfulness of paid officials. Very soon his escape would
be discovered, the hunt would be up, he would be caught, reviled, loaded
with chains, dragged back again to prison and bread-and-water and straw;
his guards and penalties would be doubled; and O, what sarcastic remarks
the girl would make! What was to be done? He was not swift of foot; his
figure was unfortunately recognisable. Could he not squeeze under the seat
of a carriage? He had seen this method adopted by schoolboys, when the
journey-money provided by thoughtful parents had been diverted to other
and better ends. As he pondered, he found himself opposite the engine,
which was being oiled, wiped, and generally caressed by its affectionate
driver, a burly man with an oil-can in one hand and a lump of cotton-waste
in the other.</p>
<p>'Hullo, mother!' said the engine-driver, 'what's the trouble? You don't
look particularly cheerful.'</p>
<p>'O, sir!' said Toad, crying afresh, 'I am a poor unhappy washerwoman, and
I've lost all my money, and can't pay for a ticket, and I must get home
to-night somehow, and whatever I am to do I don't know. O dear, O dear!'</p>
<p>'That's a bad business, indeed,' said the engine-driver reflectively.
'Lost your money—and can't get home—and got some kids, too,
waiting for you, I dare say?'</p>
<p>'Any amount of 'em,' sobbed Toad. 'And they'll be hungry—and playing
with matches—and upsetting lamps, the little innocents!—and
quarrelling, and going on generally. O dear, O dear!'</p>
<p>'Well, I'll tell you what I'll do,' said the good engine-driver. 'You're a
washerwoman to your trade, says you. Very well, that's that. And I'm an
engine-driver, as you well may see, and there's no denying it's terribly
dirty work. Uses up a power of shirts, it does, till my missus is fair
tired of washing of 'em. If you'll wash a few shirts for me when you get
home, and send 'em along, I'll give you a ride on my engine. It's against
the Company's regulations, but we're not so very particular in these
out-of-the-way parts.'</p>
<p>The Toad's misery turned into rapture as he eagerly scrambled up into the
cab of the engine. Of course, he had never washed a shirt in his life, and
couldn't if he tried and, anyhow, he wasn't going to begin; but he
thought: 'When I get safely home to Toad Hall, and have money again, and
pockets to put it in, I will send the engine-driver enough to pay for
quite a quantity of washing, and that will be the same thing, or better.'</p>
<p>The guard waved his welcome flag, the engine-driver whistled in cheerful
response, and the train moved out of the station. As the speed increased,
and the Toad could see on either side of him real fields, and trees, and
hedges, and cows, and horses, all flying past him, and as he thought how
every minute was bringing him nearer to Toad Hall, and sympathetic
friends, and money to chink in his pocket, and a soft bed to sleep in, and
good things to eat, and praise and admiration at the recital of his
adventures and his surpassing cleverness, he began to skip up and down and
shout and sing snatches of song, to the great astonishment of the
engine-driver, who had come across washerwomen before, at long intervals,
but never one at all like this.</p>
<p>They had covered many and many a mile, and Toad was already considering
what he would have for supper as soon as he got home, when he noticed that
the engine-driver, with a puzzled expression on his face, was leaning over
the side of the engine and listening hard. Then he saw him climb on to the
coals and gaze out over the top of the train; then he returned and said to
Toad: 'It's very strange; we're the last train running in this direction
to-night, yet I could be sworn that I heard another following us!'</p>
<p>Toad ceased his frivolous antics at once. He became grave and depressed,
and a dull pain in the lower part of his spine, communicating itself to
his legs, made him want to sit down and try desperately not to think of
all the possibilities.</p>
<p>By this time the moon was shining brightly, and the engine-driver,
steadying himself on the coal, could command a view of the line behind
them for a long distance.</p>
<p>Presently he called out, 'I can see it clearly now! It is an engine, on
our rails, coming along at a great pace! It looks as if we were being
pursued!'</p>
<p>The miserable Toad, crouching in the coal-dust, tried hard to think of
something to do, with dismal want of success.</p>
<p>'They are gaining on us fast!' cried the engine-driver. And the engine is
crowded with the queerest lot of people! Men like ancient warders, waving
halberds; policemen in their helmets, waving truncheons; and shabbily
dressed men in pot-hats, obvious and unmistakable plain-clothes detectives
even at this distance, waving revolvers and walking-sticks; all waving,
and all shouting the same thing—"Stop, stop, stop!"'</p>
<p>Then Toad fell on his knees among the coals and, raising his clasped paws
in supplication, cried, 'Save me, only save me, dear kind Mr.
Engine-driver, and I will confess everything! I am not the simple
washerwoman I seem to be! I have no children waiting for me, innocent or
otherwise! I am a toad—the well-known and popular Mr. Toad, a landed
proprietor; I have just escaped, by my great daring and cleverness, from a
loathsome dungeon into which my enemies had flung me; and if those fellows
on that engine recapture me, it will be chains and bread-and-water and
straw and misery once more for poor, unhappy, innocent Toad!'</p>
<p>The engine-driver looked down upon him very sternly, and said, 'Now tell
the truth; what were you put in prison for?'</p>
<p>'It was nothing very much,' said poor Toad, colouring deeply. 'I only
borrowed a motorcar while the owners were at lunch; they had no need of it
at the time. I didn't mean to steal it, really; but people—especially
magistrates—take such harsh views of thoughtless and high-spirited
actions.'</p>
<p>The engine-driver looked very grave and said, 'I fear that you have been
indeed a wicked toad, and by rights I ought to give you up to offended
justice. But you are evidently in sore trouble and distress, so I will not
desert you. I don't hold with motor-cars, for one thing; and I don't hold
with being ordered about by policemen when I'm on my own engine, for
another. And the sight of an animal in tears always makes me feel queer
and softhearted. So cheer up, Toad! I'll do my best, and we may beat them
yet!'</p>
<p>They piled on more coals, shovelling furiously; the furnace roared, the
sparks flew, the engine leapt and swung but still their pursuers slowly
gained. The engine-driver, with a sigh, wiped his brow with a handful of
cotton-waste, and said, 'I'm afraid it's no good, Toad. You see, they are
running light, and they have the better engine. There's just one thing
left for us to do, and it's your only chance, so attend very carefully to
what I tell you. A short way ahead of us is a long tunnel, and on the
other side of that the line passes through a thick wood. Now, I will put
on all the speed I can while we are running through the tunnel, but the
other fellows will slow down a bit, naturally, for fear of an accident.
When we are through, I will shut off steam and put on brakes as hard as I
can, and the moment it's safe to do so you must jump and hide in the wood,
before they get through the tunnel and see you. Then I will go full speed
ahead again, and they can chase me if they like, for as long as they like,
and as far as they like. Now mind and be ready to jump when I tell you!'</p>
<p>They piled on more coals, and the train shot into the tunnel, and the
engine rushed and roared and rattled, till at last they shot out at the
other end into fresh air and the peaceful moonlight, and saw the wood
lying dark and helpful upon either side of the line. The driver shut off
steam and put on brakes, the Toad got down on the step, and as the train
slowed down to almost a walking pace he heard the driver call out, 'Now,
jump!'</p>
<p>Toad jumped, rolled down a short embankment, picked himself up unhurt,
scrambled into the wood and hid.</p>
<p>Peeping out, he saw his train get up speed again and disappear at a great
pace. Then out of the tunnel burst the pursuing engine, roaring and
whistling, her motley crew waving their various weapons and shouting,
'Stop! stop! stop!' When they were past, the Toad had a hearty laugh—for
the first time since he was thrown into prison.</p>
<p>But he soon stopped laughing when he came to consider that it was now very
late and dark and cold, and he was in an unknown wood, with no money and
no chance of supper, and still far from friends and home; and the dead
silence of everything, after the roar and rattle of the train, was
something of a shock. He dared not leave the shelter of the trees, so he
struck into the wood, with the idea of leaving the railway as far as
possible behind him.</p>
<p>After so many weeks within walls, he found the wood strange and unfriendly
and inclined, he thought, to make fun of him. Night-jars, sounding their
mechanical rattle, made him think that the wood was full of searching
warders, closing in on him. An owl, swooping noiselessly towards him,
brushed his shoulder with its wing, making him jump with the horrid
certainty that it was a hand; then flitted off, moth-like, laughing its
low ho! ho! ho; which Toad thought in very poor taste. Once he met a fox,
who stopped, looked him up and down in a sarcastic sort of way, and said,
'Hullo, washerwoman! Half a pair of socks and a pillow-case short this
week! Mind it doesn't occur again!' and swaggered off, sniggering. Toad
looked about for a stone to throw at him, but could not succeed in finding
one, which vexed him more than anything. At last, cold, hungry, and tired
out, he sought the shelter of a hollow tree, where with branches and dead
leaves he made himself as comfortable a bed as he could, and slept soundly
till the morning.</p>
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