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<h2> XIX. </h2>
<p>Meantime Philip himself was in the throes of his own agony. At the news of
Kate's illness he was overwhelmed with remorse, and when he inquired if
she had been delirious, he was oppressed with a sense of meanness never
felt before. At his meeting with Pete he realised for the first time to
what depths his duplicity had degraded him. He had prided himself on being
a man of honour, and he was suddenly thrown out of the paths in which he
could walk honourably.</p>
<p>When the first shock of Kate's disaster was over, he remembered the
interview with the Governor. The Deemstership burnt in his mind with a
growing fever of desire, but he did not apply for it. He did not even
mention it to Auntie Nan. She heard of his prospects from Peter Christian
Balla-whaine, who first set foot in her house on this errand of
congratulation. The sweet old soul was wildly excited. All the hopes of
her life were about to be realised, the visions and the dreams were coming
true. Philip was going to regain what his father had lost. Had he made his
application yet? No? He would, though; it was his duty.</p>
<p>But Philip could not apply for the Deemstership. To sit down in cold blood
and write to the Home Secretary while Kate was lying sick in bed would be
too much like asking the devil's wages for sacrificing her. Then came Pete
with his talk of the wedding. That did not really alarm him. It was only
the last revolution of the old wheel that had been set spinning before
Pete went away. Kate would not consent. They had taken her consent for
granted. He felt easy, calm, and secure.</p>
<p>Next came his old master, the college friend of his father, now promoted
to the position of Clerk of the Polls. He was proud of his pupil, and had
learnt that Philip was first favourite with the Governor.</p>
<p>"I always knew it," he said. "I did, ma'am, I did. The first time I set
eyes on him, thinks I, 'Here comes the makings of the best lawyer in the
island,' and by ——— he's not going to disappoint me
either."</p>
<p>The good fellow was a noisy, hearty, robustious creature, a bachelor, and
when talking of the late Deemster, he said women were usually the chief
obstacles in a man's career. Then he begged Auntie Nan's pardon, but the
old lady showed no anger. She agreed that it had been so in some cases.
Young men should be careful what stumbling-blocks they set up in the way
of their own progress.</p>
<p>Philip listened in silence, and was conscious, through all the unselfish
counselling, of a certain cynical bitterness. Still he did not make
application for the Deemstership. Then came C�sar's letter announcing the
marriage, and even fixing a date for it. This threw him into a fit of
towering indignation. He was certain of undue pressure. They were forcing
the girl. It was his duty to stop the marriage. But how? There was one
clear course, but that course he could not take. He could not go back on
his settled determination that he must not, should not marry the girl
himself. Only one thing was left—to rely on Kate. She would never
consent. Not being able to marry <i>him</i>, she would marry no man. She
would do as he was doing—she would suffer and stand alone.</p>
<p>By this time Philip's love, which, in spite of himself, had grown cool
since the Melliah, and in his fierce battle with his worldly aims,
suddenly awakened to fresh violence at the approach of another man. But
his ambition fought with his love, and he began to ask himself if it made,
any difference after all in this matter of Kate whether he took the
Deemstership or left it. Kate was recovering; he had nothing to reproach
himself with, and it would be folly to sacrifice the ambition of a
lifetime to the love of a woman who could never be his, a woman he could
never marry. At that he wrote his letter to the Home Secretary. It was a
brilliant letter of its kind, simple, natural, strong, and judicious. He
had a calm assurance that nothing so good would leave the island, yet he
could not bring himself to post it. Some quiverings of the old tenderness
came back as he held it in his hand, some visions of Kate, with her
twitching lips, her passionate eyes, some whisperings of their smothered
love.</p>
<p>Then came Pete again with the decisive blow. Kate <i>had</i> consented.
There was no longer any room for doubt. His former indignation seemed
almost comic, his confidence absurd. Kate was willing to marry Pete, and
after all, what right had he to blame her? What right had he to stop the
marriage? He had wronged the girl enough already. A good man came and
offered her his love. She was going to take it. How should he dare to stop
her from marrying another, being unable to marry her himself?</p>
<p>That night he posted his letter to the Home Secretary, and calmed the
gnawings of his love with dreams of ambition. He would regain the place of
his father; he would revive the traditions of his grandfather; the
Christians should resume their ancient standing in the Isle of Man; the
last of their race should be a strong man and a just one. No, he would
never marry; he would live alone, a quiet life, a peaceful one, slightly
tinged with melancholy, yet not altogether unhappy, not without cheer.</p>
<p>Under all other emotions, strengthening and supporting him, was a secret
bitterness towards Kate—a certain contempt of her fickleness, her
lightness, her shallow love, her readiness to be off with the old love and
on with the new. There was a sort of pride in his own higher type of
devotion, his sterner passion. Pete invited him to the wedding, but he
would not go, he would invent some excuse.</p>
<p>Then came the change of the day to suit his supposed convenience, and also
Kate's own invitation. Very well, be it so. Kate was defying him. Her
invitation was a challenge. He would take it; he would go to the wedding.
And if their eyes should meet, he knew whose eyes must fall.</p>
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