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Who Was Who: 5000 BC - 1914 Biographical Dictionary of the Famous and Those Who Wanted to Be

D

DANIEL, ancient lion tamer. Also performed the difficult feat of remaining in a fiery furnace without his family applying for the insurance.

DANTE, of Italy, architect of the under world, journalist, lover, and poor politician. Wrote articles for magazines, but used too much slang. Later fell in love. The girl (see her) knew what journalists were, and refused to spoon. Exasperated, he began a bombardment of poetry. That settled it. D. then entered politics. Soon learned they did not mix with love and his business. Both he and his manuscripts were banished. Traveled in Italy in the interests of safety. Posed for his bust while suffering with a bad attack of dyspepsia. Publications: Poems, tragedies, and comedies (?). Ambition: To be Beatrice's Romeo. Recreation: Travel. Address: II via Dante, Florence. Seldom at home.

DANTON, the man who wound up France before the revolution.

DARLING, Grace, a light-house keeper's daughter who showed the world that a woman may fear a mouse, but not a tempest. One of the truly brave who did not receive a Carnegie advertisement.

DARWIN, Charlie, a well-known enemy of preachers. He discovered that many men looked like their progenitors, and proved his theories with the exception of one link. The clergymen claimed that a chain with one link missing was no chain, and that D. was a nature faker. Publications: Origin of Species, a valuable book, even if it does fail to explain the currency bill.

DAUGHTER, Pharaoh's, an Egyptian princess, who took a bath, and rescued little Moses from the bull rushes. (See Mose.)

DAVID, King, or "Dave," shepherd, writer, musician, champion sling shot, and politician. Son of poor parents. Entered army as a volunteer, and was awarded medals for his attack upon Goliath. Appointed musician to the royal household. Became friendly with the Prince of Wales and succeeded in doing him out of the coronation. Later was elected king. Fell in love with Mrs. (name not mentioned by newspapers). Gave her husband a conspicuous position in the army. Married her. Heir: Sol. Publications: Psalms. Recreation: Slinging. Address: Jerusalem.

DEATH, a hideous man who called at least once during a lifetime, usually toward the close. Patron of insurance companies. Nothing is known of his childhood. Historians claim he never had any. Possessed an ugly face; wore a sheet over his head, and always carried a scythe in his hands. Never brought happiness, although his visits frequently gave money to some one. Never could be bribed to pass a house he wished to enter. Many doctors and scientists have endeavored to kill him, but he continues to be a safe bet at 100 to 1. Heir: None. Ambition: A happy home and prosperous graveyards. Recreation: Sharpening scythes. Address: Always hung out a black cloth wherever he resided.

DELILAH, friend of Samson, and quite a dip. She also accompanied Samson on a number of European and American opera expeditions.

DELMONICO, founder of a Fifth Avenue New York City cafe, where the cost of living has ever been high. He introduced the French menu into the U. S. and with it considerable indigestion.

DEMOSTHENES, an old Greek talker.

DENIS, Saint, a saint with an Irish name who made good in France.

DEPEW, Chauncey M., an ancient railroad-wealthy U. S. Senator from the state of New York. He made after-dinner speeches, dedicated monuments; married a young wife, and was relegated to obscurity by the American voters.

DESDEMONA, of Venice. A lady whose handkerchiefs cost more than her clothes.

DESLYS, G., a French dancer who had sufficient charm to attract a royal press agent, who could draw crowds and a big salary.

DEVIL, see Old Nic.

DEWAR, John, inventor of a popular Scotch beverage without which no cold day is complete.

DEWEY, George E., a former American hero who totally destroyed a Spanish armada in Manila Bay. He received the homage of a nation; had cigars named after him; appeared in Who's Who; was paraded through the streets; married a widow; moved to Washington; got in bad with the inhabitants, and got out of the newspapers.

DIANA, an ancient sportswoman who loved fox hunting, hounds, and the chase without the conventionalities of a society hunt. Address: Ephesus.

DIAZ, Porfiro, former king and political leader of Mexico, who departed from the social functions of a king to assist the government. Legends prevail to the effect that he patterned his actions on a Napoleon-Roosevelt policy. He also was requested to move. Ambition: A revolution with himself on top. Recreation: The fandango. Address: Fifty years in the White House of Mexico. Epitaph: Wilson Never Bothered Me.

DICE, see Thomas and Harry.

DICE, Diamond, American ten-cent adventurer; friend of the messenger boys and embryo criminals. His biography formed an important part in the lives of the boys who never visited the Carnegie libraries.

DICKENS, Charles, an English writer who wrote.

DIN, Gunga, a limpin' lump of brick dust, water carrier. Employed in H. R. H. service in India. Wore few clothes. Fought in many battles. Frequently gave bad water to soldiers. Rescued Thomas Atkins, but was shot while in the act. Saved the government the price of a medal. His pathetic story was widely published. Later it fell into disfavor in the U. S. and Great Britain, it now being considered a crime to recite the story. Ambition: To come back like Sherlock Holmes. Recreation: Sleep. Address: Care of biographer.

DIOGENES, the most foolish man who ever lived. He endeavored to find something with a lantern which could not even be located with a searchlight. Ambition: A brighter lantern. Recreation: Cleaning globes. Address: Tub. Epitaph: Here Lies A Man Who Attempted The Impossible.

DISRAELI, a Hebrew who gave up the trades of his ancestors to run England.

DOE, John, an honest man who was defrauded out of millions by persons who forged his name.

DOODLE, Yankee, American horseman who made people take off their hats, shout, and whistle when he rode into town.

DORCAS, a modiste who founded the church gossip societies.

DOWIE, alias Elijah II, a celebrated Chicago divine who showed the world how easily some people were deprived of their money and religion.

DRAKE, Francis, an English admiral who did not have a public square named after him. D. also introduced the spud into Ireland.

DREAMER, T. H. E., castle builder. Lived long ago, and intended doing something to-day. Spent much time thinking about the best girl in the world. A great friend of Procrastinator. Went through life waiting for to-morrow. Several men, however, with the same name, have awakened and given their dreams to the world (see Columbus, etc., and Lady Macbeth).

DREW, John, prehistoric American actor.

DREYFUS, Captain, founder of the Dreyfus Case. Got out of jail by being one of the few innocent men who got into print.

DUFF, Mac, a Scotchman who gained fame because he was a good layer on.

DUMPTY, H., celebrated accident victim. Fell from a wall at an early age and never recovered, despite the services of specialists.

DUN, another man whose word of commendation will enable you to open a charge account.

E

EASTMAN, George, inventor of the brownie camera and the most expensive sport on earth. Ambition: The kodak fiend, tourists. Address: Rochester and London. Clubs: Camera.

EDDY, Mrs., of Boston, Mass., U. S. A., a lady who made millions by telling the world there was no such thing as the toothache, sea-sickness, or hitting your thumb with a hammer.

EDISON, Thomas, an American who invented everything with the exception of the sun dial, Pear's soap, and the Gillette razor.

EIFEL, a Frenchman who built the second tower of Babel, but who was wise enough to stop before he got too high.

EIGHTH, Henry the, suitor, blue beard, and church builder. When a young man he became a benedict, a condition in which he remained until well along in years. As fast as a queen appeared at the breakfast table with her hair down her back, she was dispatched to the block. A couple of queens got ahead of him. Was nearly as successful in obtaining divorces as Napoleon, of France, and American millionaires. In his later years he competed against the Pope in England. Ambition: A harem. Recreation: Spooning. Dreams: Bad. Address: Windsor.

ELGIN, Lord, the man who rolled the Elgin marbles from Greece to the British Museum. Also had something to do with the interior of watches.

ELIJAH, a prophet of old who was fond of ravens (not red). Later he went somewhat out of his line, but succeeded as a chariot driver.

ELIZABETH, Queen, called "Bess" by Raleigh and the rest of the boys. E. reigned when people did things. She was wooed and lost by an Armada (see Philip II). She finally walked over Raleigh's coat, and later wiped her feet on him. E. had a sister by the name of Mary, who was better looking, and less fortunate. E. was queen when the pipe was introduced into England. Other and less important events of her reign were: Shakespeare, Spenser, and Virginia. Died an old maid. Heir: She did not have any.

ELLIOT, George, a lady who wore a man's name and wrote books.

EMANUEL II, Victor, the original of the statues in every town of Italy; a king with ambitions, who was wise enough to entrust his affairs to a brainier man, and was thus made famous (see Girabaldi).

EMERSON, Ralph Waldo, American writer who inspired his readers to conquer the world. Several have failed. Also advised the practical theory of hitching your wagon to the stars. Lived before the time of the taxi.

EPICURUS, an ancient who believed that pain was unpleasant and that pleasure was good. His descendants live in expensive hotels and eat only in high-class restaurants. Many suffer with the gout. A popular cat foot was named in his honor.

ESAU, an ancient who sold his birthright for a mess of breakfast food.

ESTHER, Queen, a beautiful lady who triumphed over the villain of the book, married the hero, and lived happily ever afterward.

EUCLID, an old Greek who made poor students read his book as far back as 300 B. C. He discovered the phenomenon that the shortest distance between two points is a crow's flight, and that two parallel lines always compete.

EVE, see Mrs. Adam.

EYRE, Jane, an old maid school teacher, who married a rich husband after the fashion of books.


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