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Who Was Who: 5000 BC - 1914 Biographical Dictionary of the Famous and Those Who Wanted to Be

F

FAGAN, the Hebrew benefactor of Oliver Twist, whose name did not fit his religion.

FAHRENHEIT, inventor of an instrument which enables a person to ascertain whether the weather is warm or cold.

FAILURE, T. H. E., a failure. Supposed to have idled away his younger days. Believed to have dissipated. Said not to have applied himself to school or business. Found fault with life and everybody, but was never wrong himself. Unpopular. A great blamer. A lover of revolvers, rivers, and the poor house. Frequently seen in the under world. Ambition: The other fellow. Recreation: Too much. Address: All large cities. Clubs: None. Epitaph: Here Lies A Man Who Never Really Tried.

FALLIERES, Armand, occupied a prominent position in the French government for seven years. One of the most distinguished of the vast collection of ex-presidents now scattered over the world.

FALSTAFF, a celebrated drunk.

FASHION, Dame, heart breaker, bank account ruiner, and patron saint of French shop-keepers. She went about the large stores changing the cut of ladies' clothes and the shape of their hats. Created some awful looking things. F. made the poor men work very hard to keep up to her. Publications: Editor of all Ladies' Magazines. Address: Paris, London, and New York City. Epitaph: (Would that she had one.)

FAUST, chemist, traveler. A gay old man who fell in love during his second young manhood, traveled in a warm country, and sang his way to fame.

FAWES, Guy, a man who attempted to make an impression in Parliament without introducing home rule or suffrage bills.

FINN, Huc, a bosom friend of Thomas Sawyer (see Tom).

FITZIMMONS, Robert, an obsolete fighter who wishes he could rub the black spot from the ring.

FLETCHER, the inventor of chewing.

FLORADORA, an American chorus girl, who was some popular with the men. She appeared in all large cities with the best looking chorus that ever wore tights. F. created such a sensation that every living actress of note is willing to be classified as a former member of her company. Had a miserable cigar named after her. Ambition: Revival. Grave: New York City. Epitaph: There Were Not Many Like Flora.

FOGG, P., The man Jules Verne sent around the world in sixty days for a big sale.

FOOL, A., a spendthrift lover. Fell in love with an unintelligent woman and one who never could understand. Followed his natural bents, even as you and I. Wasted several years. Wept profusely. End unknown. Recreation: Vampires. Epitaph: He Was Not The Only One.

FRANKLIN, Benjamin, one of the few Americans endowed with brains. He discovered that lightning was composed of electricity, that politics paid better than printing, and that the French Court was more lively than the Continental Congress.

FRERES, Pathe, patron of the motion picture fanatics.

FRIEND, A., the scarcest thing on earth. A rare visitor, but he came around a few times in a lifetime. F. was glad to know of your success, pitied you in your failures, and shook you by the hand when you were down and out. Never borrowed money, but he frequently lent it. Was a wise counsellor. Very popular. His name was frequently given the baby (see Mischief). Ambition: The other fellow's welfare. Recreation: At the other fellow's house. Address: The other fellow's house or his own. Clubs: All.

FRITCHIE, Barbara, a Southern target. Sprang into poetry as the only woman in the history of mankind who admitted her old age.

FULTON, Robert, inventor. Another brainy American who made a fortune for the Cunard and White Star lines.

G

GABRIEL, A., trumpeter. Entered history at an early date as the agent for the Garden of Eden. Compelled the Adam family to move. Historians claim he will again be in Who's Who when St. Peter (see him) makes the inventory. Ambition: Larger lungs. Recreation: Aviation.

GAINSBOROUGH, T. R. A., a versatile English hat and portrait manufacturer.

GALILEO, inventor, star gazer. Proved himself an imbecile by declaring the world revolved when everybody knew it was stationary. Manufactured the first spy-glass, an instrument which has since been used in theatres and for various other purposes. Also discovered that clocks were equipped with pendulums.

GANGSTER, T. H. E., a politician known as a "progressive" when out of office.

GARDEN,(3) Mary, a clever actress who succeeded on the opera stage. Legend has it that Mary possessed a fine voice as a child. This was expensively cultivated in Europe, was later exposed before English and American congregations, and her Sapho-Salome-Thais-Carmen costumes packed the houses. Ambition: Less wealth and more throat. She also wants a husband with a soul. Recreation: Being presented with opera houses and suppers. Residence: Principally Atlantic liners.

(3) Ed. Note: This is not an advertisement.

GARIBALDI, G., the George Washington of Italy without the tea party. He espoused the cause of Victor Emmanuel (see Victor), and successfully Bismarcked the Italian States. Slept in every town in his country, ran second to V. E. in the number of statues erected to his appearance, and for three years held the championship for eating spaghetti.

GARRICK, an old English matinee idol.

GATLING, R. J., he was considered a big gun.

GAUL, Dying, a brave soldier who posed for his statue when mortally wounded.

GEORGE I, King of England, 1660-1727. Permitted the whigs in general, and one Walpole in particular, to run England.

GEORGE II, King of England, 1683-1760. Held a few wars.

GEORGE III, King of England, 1736-1820. Lived during the reign of William Pitt, and believed in taxing tea.

GEORGE IV, husband of Queen Mary (see front pages of our contemporary Who's Who).

GEORGE-LLOYD, Dave, a well-known cigar, English politician. Entered politics via a newspaper, clever speeches, and votes. Was a modest member of the House of Commons, seldom speaking more than four times on any bill. Kept climbing until he became under secretary of something, order keeper of the Board of Trade, and finally occupied a prominent position in the Exchequer. Assisted the Primer to grasp the Irish home rule millstone, and hung on without a gurgle. Ambition: A dynamite-proof house, a tax on air. Recreation: (see Asquith). Address: Front row House of Commons. Clubs: Anti-conservative.

GIBSON, Charles Dana, American artist who pleased the old inhabitants before the market was so wet.

GILLETTE, manufacturer of a well-known Christmas present which cuts barbers out of their tips, and is deucedly annoying to clean.

GIRL, The Chorus, Um!

GLADIATOR, Dying, another brave artists' model.

GLADSTONE, W. E., a grand old man who twice premiered England, chopped trees, and failed to make accurate measurements with the Irish home rule.

GLYNN, E., an old maid authoress who knew things. Wrote a book which everybody tells the rector they have not read, and then re-reads it when the doors are locked. In the United States a law has been passed compelling booksellers to include a bottle of disinfectant whenever a G. book is sold. Ambition: A publisher who is not afraid of the police. Recreation: Reading her own books. Address: Probably Paris. Clubs: Always blackballed.

GOAT, T. H. E., the one who purchased this book.

GODIVA, Lady, horsewoman whose costume rivalled many exhibited at the Paris horseshow. Many said her habit was out of sight.

GOETHE, a Dutchman who succeeded in making a few German words rhyme.

GOLIATH, ancient heavyweight champion, who was knocked out in one round by a lightweight. Defeat attributed to overconfidence. Friends said nothing like that had ever entered his head.

GOODWIN, Nathaniel, an American who was opposed to Mormonism, but who adopted it on a progressive and newspaper scale.

GOOSE, Mother, a fine old lady who was loved by all, but who told some awful untruths to the innocent.

GORDON, I. L., editor of Who Was Who. Probably the greatest writer who ever lived. Spent early childhood in infancy. At the age of fourteen began shaving and wearing long trousers. At twenty-one G. was considered of age. Began writing while a child. Penmanship so poor he took to the typewriter. Wrote Who Was Who with hope someone would purchase it. Some one did. Ambition: (He considers this personal and will not be quoted.) Recreation: Looking for publishers. Address: Paris when financially able. Other times in one of those confounded newspaper offices.

GORKY, M., a resident of Russia who became unpopular with the government and moved. He endeavored to make a lecture tour of the United States accompanied by another man's wife. Learned that this was not the usual custom in America. His managers and hotel proprietors requested him to continue his travels. Ambition: A czarless Russia; less fussy people. Publications: Much unpatriotic literature.

GRAY, the man who wrote a clever cemetery poem, the first line of which is remembered by everybody.

GREAT, Peter the, shipbuilder, and the only ruler of Russia who never was bombarded. Was also unique in the fact that he worked. Historians claim this was due to his poor salary.

GROAT, John, proprietor of a celebrated house located some distance from Land's End.

GUILLOTIN, Doctor, a French inventor of a popular method of decapitation, who had such confidence in his invention that he was the first to give it a practical demonstration.

GULLIVER, a Munchausen-Doctor Cook-Peary traveler who never submitted his proofs, but who found a credulous publisher and a gullible public. Never lectured.


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